Therapy Sessions: July 2011

It's like AID's for your funny bone...

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It's a big one this week, so make sure you're sitting down and have all the refreshments you need.

Here at Therapy Session HQ we have fucking stacks of images, gifs and other such shit just waiting to make its appearance in this blog but here's our dilemma. Do we continue in the format we all know and hate or do we make each weeks session as big as this??!?! Let me know your thoughts and also if you think anything should be added or deducted from these sessions!

So without further adieu...

PICS

If you can't see the image properly, click on it

I have always thought this

Thank god the tramp on the left isn't in a skirt!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Rohipnol

Cow pushing was so last year

WTF

lol

Fucking aye'

Cooler than the other side of the pillow

Chick Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle!

back in the war....

Oh no you didn't girlfriend

Dark humour maybe?

Is it wrong to post pics of children going to the toilet?

boom boom

If only we knew 16 odd years ago

The fun you can have with petrol and matches!

She likes it black from what i hear

Know your place

I cum here quite often

I second the motion

peasants....

I actually felt sad of the egg when I saw this. FML

Indiana Jones is at it again

They didn't teach me this in Scouts

I dated a chick like this once!

After reading this you know you will be going through your facebook friends list lol

Now that's what you call a gusher

Where to start with this one...

But what if the door does not close?

I can't see Sky picking this up anytime soon

swing batter batter batter batter batter batter batter

You lookin' at me?

Proof that beer goggles do exist

Say cheese

Now this is what I call a day out!

Oh dear

false alarm

never to be seen in the same way again. Thank fuck we are all adults now and don't care for Pokemon!

Also known as Scouse-opoly

decisions, decisions

lol

For all their faults...

to poke her... forget it

You should keep a copy of this in your wallet just in case

The man is quite literally God

Why do you need the spam though?

well.... if the opportunity presents itself...

IF you have a cat, this has happened

Hate to think what the mother looks like

Tell me I'm wrong?

whats that Skip?

I'm calling shotgun on this bad boi

"Dad told him it was candy"!!!!!!! The world is fucked!

Harsh but fair

I am actually gay for this dude!

Fuck my life!

What more can you say

Even Ray Charles would find a way through this barrier

You haven't met my new wife yet have you

quid pro quo

Unfortunately all female runners are completely butters!

Doesn't he look like the emo kid in South Park lol

At least try....

FTW

Is this inter species or what...

busted... shame he doesn't act ashamed when he fucks the country up!

The new member of Bravo-Two-Zero

what leads a golfer to this situation...

If they used these for Panda's we wouldn't have to protect the fucking things!

Making the world a more friendlier place

Lets be honest, kids create right shite

Good to know

Pray the gay away

Does anybody do that anyways?

Caught in the act

At least we agree on something!

I wonder if they are high in vitamin C

I like her thinking

black girl problems: where to hide a stolen pony

Do you?

the new Hitchcock movie...

Its up there with sky hooks and tartan paint

All well and good, but what do you do once you get down there!

its true what they say... you can't trust your bird

GIFS

If the GIF isn't moving, click on it

Is it a bird... is it a plane... no, its a twat

So who gets the points?

Now your wife has no excuses

Man vs Car

Cats are simple creatures

Close call

I never got taught this in PE

Dude has anger issues

I love children!

Why she didn't just let go we will never know

Tit

At least the cat didn't stub it's toe!

This one is for the kids

Caught red handed

boo

DON'T EVEN REPLY

Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist

Original ad:
We are a little league team looking for a sponsor for the upcoming season. Email if you are interested in helping out. Thanks!
From Me to ********@***********.org

Good afternoon,

I came across your ad looking for a sponsor for your little league team. I am interested if you still need one. Let me know, and we can discuss the details.

Thanks,
Mike

From Joe ********* to Me:

Hey Mike,
My name is Joe. I have been the coach of this team and greatly appreciate the offer. We still do need a sponsor and I would like to hear what you have to offer. The league will not start up again until mid-April so we will have some time. Let me know what you were thinking for sponsorship, you can email or call me anytime at (***)***-****
Thanks,
Joe

From Me to Joe *********:

Joe,

I am glad to hear you are still interested. I would like to have my company name on your team's uniform and fence sign. How much would it cost to do this?

Mike

From Joe ********* to Me:

Hi Mike,
The cost to fully sponsor our team would be $800. It would cover ordering the jerseys and equipment. At the end of the season you will be recognized at our ceremony and will receive a framed photo of the team and your own uniform. What is your company's name and do you have a website?
Thanks,
Joe

From Me to Joe *********:

That sounds reasonable Joe. I am the founder of an adult film company called BarelyLegalSuperSluts. We specialize in 18+ amateur pornography and I would like to get our name out there. We plan on lanuching our site around April, so I think the timing would be perfect with your league. I can forward you our logo and we will discuss designs for the uniforms.

Mike

From Joe ********* to Me:

Mike,
Do you realize this sponsorship is for a little league team?
Joe

From Me to Joe *********:

Yes, you told me that. I think it is great that I'll be able to help kids enjoy America's greatest pastime.

From Joe ********* to Me:

and you honestly expect a bunch of kids to be sporting a jersey that says Barely Legal Super Sluts?

From Me to Joe *********:

Is it too long to fit on the jersey? We could just call them the Super Sluts for short as long as the sign on the field included the link to our website.

From Joe ********* to Me:

No that isn't the problem. This team is for kids and we can't have them wearing shirts that say Super Sluts on them. It is highly offensive and the league most likely wouldn't even allow it.

From Me to Joe *********:

How about we call them the Barely Legal Little Leaguers? I would include a free copy of our Super Sluts Slurping Loads DVD for every parent that attends the game. The DVD features over 3 hours of sluts with hilarious outtakes and alternate endings. I could even have a few of our stars come out and mud wrestle during the 7th inning stretch. I think it could pull in a lot more of an audience for your little league.

From Joe ********* to Me:

No! Thats even worse! Look Mike I appreciate you trying to help our team out but this is absolutely the wrong place to be advertising your porn. If you would still like to contribute you can but we cannot have your company name associated with our team.

From Me to Joe *********:

If this is how you treat every sponsor that wants to help your team out, you will never get any money. Sooner or later you are going to have to whore yourself out to someone, which is a valuable lesson learned in my Big Sluts: Big Loads DVD. I could give that one out to the parents instead, due to the educational value.

From Joe ********* to Me:

You just dont quit do you? Aint happening so go to hell!

THE STUPIDITY OF MEN

Okay, so we all know that on average women out live men, but until now we didn't know why. Here is the answer ladies and gentlemen... We are complete dipsticks!

IT'S ALL ABOUT TIMING

A selection of pics where without the timing involved, just another boring pic

FACEBOOK

This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook

JESUS

Now this is how Jesus really rolls!

WALLETS

Everyone knows that the 'bad mother fucker' wallet is the king of wallets but what is second I wonder

AMY WINHOUSE
So Amy Winehouse is dead, and we all care about it right..... Well we all knew it was coming, but Rupert Murdoch knew about it two months ago! Anyways, say no to drugs kids or this might be you

COMIC STRIP

FUCKED UP FLAGS

Flags are what we conquer the world with so they need to look right! Hence why the following nations couldn't occupy Brighton with machine gun!

1 - Benin Empire

2. Fryslan (Netherlands)

3. Guam

4. Isle of Man

5. Mozambique

6. The North Caucasian Emirate, Russia

7. Libya

JOKES

So, Maddie's parents are 'confident the child spotted in India isn't Maddie'.

I suppose, if you buried her yourself you'd be pretty fucking confident.

My wife is going to leave me in 3 weeks because my psychic abilities scare her...

I've just been to the shops and stole some lovely king prawns in a garlic and herb butter, an 8oz fillet steak with creamy pepper sauce, and a luxury rich black forest gateaux.

I am not just a thief....

I met Stephen Hawking today and he started hitting the same key on his keyboard repeatedly.

I think he is a bit of a Ctrl freak.

Wow, Amy Winehouse is dead.

Unfortunately, her parents can't keep her ashes as it would be possession of a Class A drug.

Elton John will perform at Amy Winehouse's funeral with a beautiful rendition of Candle Under The Spoon.

Can all those waiting to make a joke about Amy Winehouse please form a line.
It's what she would've wanted.

"What do we want?"
"A cure for Tourettes"
"When do we want it?"
"Cunts!"

Just heard about the death of one of the biggest stars of our time.
We all knew they had it coming with the pale white skin and slits for a nose, they'll be greatly missed.

RIP Voldemort...

Amy Winehouse approaches the gates of Heaven and is at the back of a massive queue of people. St. Peter sees her and beckons her to the front. "Am I getting special treatment because of my fame?" she asks. St. Peter replies, "No, we're still waiting for a Norwegian translator for this lot!"

Officials in Norway have revised the death toll from the terrorist attacks down from 93 to 76.

They must have a fucking good health service over there.

I'm on a quest around the world to find Bigfoot.

I'd originally set out to find cheap petrol, but I decided to keep my goals realistic.

Who said prayer doesn't work?

Dear Lord, I pray that soon I will meet Amy Winehouse. Could your almighty power make this happen.

Hans Janek, Age 14, Oslo

Emma Watson at the Harry Potter Premier: "Thanks to everyone who came."
No problem, Emma.

VIDEOS