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Friday, July 22, 2011

Session 13

 It's like AIDS for your funny bone...








Another day, another dollar and here it is, Session 13. Can't believe we have so many viewers. I'm actually starting to think that you guys actually like this shit!!!! Shame on you.

Well, seeming you're hear anyways you might as well make the most of it.

Before we start though, I stumbled across a website the other day and thought it was worth mentioning. It's a HD 360 degree image of the cockpit of The The Space Shuttle Discovery! It's pretty awesome, check it out

Space Shuttle Discovery



Enjoy...




PICS
If you can't see the image properly, click on it




It's a hard life for some



And this is why Africa is doomed



This dude has anger issues



It's all about getting your priorities in order



lol



God damn paparazzi



Japs are a weird bunch



Some people have far too much time on their hands!



Skills!



Who's the bitch now



Take me home Jeeves



I think he has his hand up his arse!



Isn't this considered torture



Someone isn't lovin' it



Nap time



Godzilla arghhhhhhhh



Skins vs Inbetweeners



If I didn't have super ADHD I would make a whole series of this



Why would you even agree to take your kids to such shite!



Love it!



You want some bitch



Better than it written on your crack pipe I suppose



No... Thank you



When in doubt



Oh dear



Can you just imagine



Peasants



What a hillbilly



It's amazing how people like Paris Hilton are famous for jack, and there are unknown geniuses out there like this dude



Love you long time






GIFS
If the GIF isn't moving, click on it



Why?!?!?!?







Old but a classic







lmao







George doesn't look to happy to of lost







US Army... be all that you can...







What a tit







Smooth







lol







Not even Chuck could destroy a screen like this dude







Where's your God now








PIMP MY GOLF CART
If you're gonna play golf, make sure you do it with one of these bad boys




































SIMON'S CAT
If you have never seen these then poor you and if you have then you're gonna enjoy watching them again
































DON'T EVEN REPLY
Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist 




Original ad:
Wanted - CHILDRENS DVDS
Movies wanted for children aged 5 and up - will take all unwanted DVDs!
From Me to *********@**********.org:


Hey there!

I'm trying to get rid of a bunch of movies I've had since I was a kid. The movie stores won't take them, and it would be a shame for me to just throw them out. I'd love to pass them on to people who can enjoy them. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Mike - Which movies do you have and how much do you want for them?

From Me to Julia ******:

Julia,

Here is the full list:

Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alladin
Backdoor Creampies 2
Beauty and the Beast
Big Black Threesome
Fantasia
Finally 18 and Legal
The Lion King
Mattress Slaves 3
The Mighty Ducks
Toy Story
Wet Squirters 5

Please let me know which ones you want.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Mike...some of those titles are inappropriate.

From Me to Julia ******:

Julia,

Which titles are inappropriate?

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

I think you know which ones...

From Me to Julia ******:

Are you talking about Fantasia? I know, I thought it was a Vietnam war movie too. I assure you it has nothing to do with Asia and is completely appropriate for children. The only other title I think you are referring to as inappropriate is The Lion King, but I think you are confusing that with "The Scorpion King," the violent movie starring Dwayne Johnson. While the Lion King does have adult themes, it is nothing like The Scorpion King.

I hope this clears things up.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

No...explain to me how these movies are for children??? Backdoor Creampies, Big Black Threesome, Finally 18 and Legal, Mattress Slaves 3, Wet Squirters 5. It sounds to me like you are trying to throw out your porn collection.

From Me to Julia ******:

Pornography? What a disgusting accusation! What kind of a person do you think I am? You have a really perverted mind if you think those movies are adult films.

You've really never heard of those movies? Where was your childhood? I'll find the plot summaries for you.

Backdoor Creampies - Cindy, a little girl with big ambitions, decides to open a bakery in her parents kitchen - selling pies to children who come to her backyard. Cindy learns that running a business isn't all fun and games in this hilarious tale of entrepreneurship.

Big Black Threesome - Barry, Billy and Bernie are three lovable black bears who have zany adventures during their quest for honey.

Finally 18 and Legal - A coming of age story about a young girl who becomes an independent woman.

Mattress Slaves 3 - Part 3 of the shocking documentary about slave labor in the mattress industry of third world countries. (Acceptable for kids, and in my opinion, a necessity to educate them on some real world issues. I never bought a foreign mattress again after this eye-opener.)

Wet Squirters 5 - The Squirters gang is back again in this heartwarming tale about a group of whales who try to find their long lost father in a vast ocean of wet sea critters.

Once again, I hope this clears things up for you.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

You expect me to believe that all of those movies simply have unfortunate titles? Nice try.

From Me to Julia ******:

Sorry to disappoint your sick mind Julia, but yes, they are all children's movies. So do you want them or not?

By the way, I just found 3 more movies to add to the collection I am offering:

Toy Story 2
James and the Giant Peach
Walt Disney's Double Penetration Cockblasts 3

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Okay I've had enough of this. You are a nut.

From Me to Julia ******:

Think of the children, Julia. They will never get to enjoy these classic films because of you.

From Julia ****** to Me:

Go to hell.




FACEBOOK
This week's best and worse from the world of Facebook













MEGA CRUISE SHIP
Check out this new bad boy. It's so fucking big, some of the pics don't even look like a ship!





































COMIC STRIP






























 JOKES

I bought a new necklace earlier that made my skin go a funny blue colour so I suspected it was a rip off.

Turns out it was a 24ct gold bracelet.







Disappointment (noun): The feeling when you buffer 4 porn videos but cum during the first one.







I'm like a God in my Kid's eyes,

They are told that I created them, but they have never seen me.







I have three daughters:
Daisy- 9
Polly- 8
Jane- 6.

They're all amazing, but Jane only gets a 6 because she's shit at blow jobs. Cracking tits, though.







My six-year-old son's teacher called me in for a quick talk.

"Nothing to worry about," she said, "your son's doing fine. The only thing is that during art lessons he keeps drawing pictures of penises, and I must say they look very authentic, almost like the real thing."

"That's nothing," I said. "He's drawn a vagina on the oven at home and Grandad's already burnt his tongue three times."








My disabled mate just lost it the other day, shouting at me, asking what was so different about us really?
I said, 'Well, I am free to live my life how I want, I have no restrictions, I have a bright future ahead of me! Whereas you... You're married...'






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