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Friday, June 17, 2011

Session 8



Word up to bigbird and welcome to session 8. It's all going off this week so make sure you soak it all up.

I have refused to put a disclaimer up this week as its on a computer. It's not real life so if you get disturbed then you should take that extra chromosome and shove it up your arse.

and Liz, if you're reading this, get well soon, we all love you



PICS
If you can't see the image properly, click on it


I don't know where to start with this one



Private call I guess



It's funny because it's true...



If anyone should know, they should


Thunderbirds are go



An animal in the sack though by all accounts



Is that Del Boy under that mask


Welcome to the US mid west



If only they knew



Sounds like fun



death by cactus, how bad would that be



which square is darker, A or B. Answer: they are both the same, go figure right
the spokmobile



Onwards and upwards



This recession is really hitting me hard



I think feminists should do something similar



So true



Who ever saw that pic and made this has di Vince insight



jedi mind wanks



What you looking at punk



Cats are so stupid


GIFS
If the GIF isn't moving, click on it



It was going so well





Image the look on the coppers faces when this GIF broke onto the net





Like a boss





FAIL





Persistence overcomes resistance





wax on, wax off






tit punch




Smooth as you like



BEHIND THE SCENES
A rare selection of photos from classic movies






















FACEBOOK
The best and worse that facebook had to offer this week










A BUGS LIFE
 These bugs look wicked up close. Imagine them being the size of wildebeest.











COMICS






















DON'T EVEN REPLY
Below is the transcript of an email conversation with someone who placed an online advert on Craiglist



Original ad:
Hey there! My roommate and I are looking for another housemate. We live in a large apartment in Upper Darby. There are two bedrooms and a spacious living area. The rent is $250 a month, which includes cable, Internet, electric, and water.


My roommate and I are both vegans and will only live with another vegan. IF YOU AREN'T A VEGAN, YOU NEED NOT APPLY. We are looking for someone who will help with the cooking, in addition to the rent.


If you are a vegan and want to live with two vegans who respect your personal space, please e-mail us. Include some information about yourself, including your source of income.


From Me to ***********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad, and I can't tell you how happy I was to see that there are fellow vegans looking for a roommate. It is so hard to find someone to live with who respects my way of life. Are you guys still looking for someone to live with?

Mike

From Joanna ******** to Me:

Yes, we still are seeking a third housemate. Can you tell us about yourself?

From Me to Joanna ********:

Well, I am a 24 year old male, and I am currently make a living by being employed. It pays well. Now, as I said earlier, I am a hardcore vegan. I totally respect your lifestyle, but I will occasionally eat a veal burger, maybe two or three times a week. I hope that isn't a big deal. If it is, I can eat it outside, but I will still need to cook it in the kitchen. But besides that, I am easy to get along with. I love watching TV. I hope you guys like CSPAN and late night HBO as much as I do. I also love music, and think I will be a great addition to your apartment.

Mike

From Joanna ******** to Me:

You're not a vegan if you eat veal. Seriously, veal? That is perhaps the single worst thing a vegan can eat. Calves that are raised to become veal are ripped from their mothers at birth so they get anemia. Then they are starved of milk, food, and exercise. They often are put in crates so they cannot move at all; they just stand and suffer until their ultimate death. Veal goes against everything veganism stands for. How you even consider calling yourself a vegan astounds me.

From Me to Joanna ********:

Well thanks for the veal history lesson. My ex used to bitch to me about veal all the time, so I know all about it. Frankly, I think that is why I enjoy veal. Knowing that the calf suffered so much to make himself that much more tender and delicious for me makes it worth every bite. If I didn't eat veal, it would probably expire and be thrown away. Then, the calf would have died in vein. You wouldn't want that, would you. Seriously, veal isn't that bad. They give the calf a nice safe home to live in. Would you rather they just let the calf just be let loose out in the wild? Then, it would probably be killed by a lion or something. By supporting veal, you are supporting the safe life of cows everywhere.

Seeing as how you got all uppity about the veal, I guess I should tell you that I own two shotguns and an assault rifle for hunting and will need to store them in the apartment. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but I may as well tell you everything. Don't worry though, both the shotguns are registered and the assault rifle has the serial numbers filed off of it so it doesn't have to be registered.

From Joanna ******** to Me:

Don't worry, you don't need to tell me anything else because you aren't going to live with us. I highly doubt there is anything about your life that even makes you close to being a vegan. You're argument sounds like something a twelve-year-old would say. You're clearly just claiming to be vegan to live in a cheap apartment. If you really think you are vegan, think again. Vegans don't hunt, idiot.

From Me to Joanna ********:

C'mon, it isn't like I'm eating the animals after I kill them. I just kill them because I hate deer. I can't tell you how many times I've stepped in deer shit - they shit everywhere. They are worse than old people. One time my little brother ate some deer shit because he thought it was beans. We had to take him to the hospital to get him tested for Lyme disease. I'm just killing deer to make Pennsylvania a better, safer place for children. I'm not eating them, so relax. I still don't eat chicken or burgers or any of that shit. You are really picky about the vegans that you want to live with. So when is the lease for your place up? I'm looking for a place to live for about five or six months, and the sooner I can move in, the better.

From Joanna ******** to Me:

YOU'RE NOT A VEGAN!

From Joanna ******** to Me:

Not eating certain kinds of meat doesn't make you a vegan. Veganism is a lifestyle which prohibits using any kind of animal product, be it food, clothes, or anything else. Hunting is absolutely unacceptable and your reasons for hunting are ridiculous. You won't be living at my apartment so give it up.

From Me to Joanna ********:

Wow, I never thought I would find someone as pretentious as Bono, but you take the cake. Next time I bite into a savory beef brisket, I'll think of you.




BACK IN THE DAY
 A selection of photos of people we all know but when they were young. See if you can guess who is who. The answers are at the end of this section


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1 - Madonna, 1976

2 - Marilyn Monroe, 1946

3 - The Beatles in 1957. George Harrison is 14, John Lennon is 16, and Paul McCartney is 15.

4 - Andy Warhol and Candy Darling (she was born James Lawrence Slattery)

5 - Allen Ginsberg

6 - Jack Kerouac

7 - Hunter S. Thompson (the author of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)

9 - Brigitte Bardot

10 - Marilyn Monroe

11 - Bebe Buell And Steven Tyler

12 - Bob Marley

13 - Elvis Presley

14 - Bonnie and Clyde

15 - Stanley Kubrick

16 - Goldie Hawn

17 - Jack Nicholson

18 - Clint Eastwood with his first wife Maggie, 1965

19 - Salvador Dali

20 - Iggy Pop and Blondie

21 - Johnny Depp, Kate Moss, Iggy Pop

22 - Lou Reed, Iggy Pop, David Bowie

23 - Elton John

24 - John Lennon, Yoko Ono, Andy Warhol

25 - Marlon Brando

26 - Kurt Cobain

27 - Roman Polanski and Sharon Tate

28 - Charles Manson

29 - Che Guevara

30 - Young Charles Manson

31 - Francis Ford Coppola

32 - Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon

33 - Dennis Hopper

34 - Sean Connery

35 - John Travolta

36 - Jane Fonda

37 - David Bowie

38 - David Bowie and Elizabeth Taylor

39 - Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder

40 - Angelina Jolie with parents



JOKES

My girlfriend is about to undergo a breast enlargement procedure.

Puberty.




I was walking down this street and this really sexy woman tells me, 'Oh my god. You are so hot. I want you to fuck me right now!'

It's true. You can ask Brad Pitt, he was right behind me.




Just finished reading the fifth book in the "learning to count" trilogy




The wife always says, "treat others as you would like to be treated by them."

And yet when I slip my hand in her best mates knickers, I'm in the wrong...




My wife said, "What do you want for your birthday?"
I said, "Ooo I don't know ... maybe a blowjob"
My wife gave me a wink and said, "I'm sure something can be arranged"
I said, "Ah brilliant ... here's a list of women I'd like you to ask"




I still get a kick out of the simple things in life.

My wife usually.




BBC News: Child prostitution trial begins.

I hope it works.




I don't tell sexist jokes at parties any more.

They're too complicated for women.




VIDS




























So why is there only one monopolies commission?

HAVE A BLINDER





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